Stress From Church

Stress often comes when we expect something to go a certain way and it doesn’t. It can also happen when we feel threatened, unsafe, disappointed, or unseen. In church settings, this can feel even heavier because many people expect church to be the safest place.

This is why “church hurt” has become such a common conversation.

Church hurt happens when someone is wounded by another person within a church or Christian setting. Sadly, it is more common than many would like to admit. Some people experience disappointment, betrayal, gossip, rejection, unfair treatment, or even serious safeguarding concerns.

The unfortunate truth is this: church hurt will always exist. This is because it operates on a human level where human behaviour will always be flawed and it also operates on a spiritual basis. We wrestle with external forces intent on doing evil. At the same time, it does require for the human to use their free will, so there is always ownership on a human level.

This also does not mean we become complacent or ignore wrong or criminal behaviour. Serious issues such as abuse, safeguarding concerns, or harm to children and vulnerable adults must always be addressed immediately. Silence is never spiritual when protection and action is needed. Silence in wrong doing is not a spirit that is from God. It is legally, ethically, and spiritually necessary to take action as the situation requires.

One of the key ways of finding your way through this kind of stress is to understand that church is made up of people—and people are imperfect. The human that is mean in McDonalds is the same human when they come to church and it can be likely that they may be mean in church, even if they tone it down for a few hours. Shake that coke can, and see what happens when its clicked open. The same human who gossips in the house, is the same human when they come to church. They've only changed their location. Location does not change character or flaws, even when it is a church setting.

Character building is an internal job and a spiritual one, that the person needs to consent to, i.e exercise their free will. If they don't consent, then the internal character building can not take place and someone then experiences church hurt. Think of it in health terms. If a Dr tells a diabetic to change their eating habits and they don't, the Dr can't force the person to make those changes. The issue is not the Dr, the issue is the person is not willing to make those changes. Christianity is not the issue, God is definitely not the issue, the people who reject to listen and go through the internal character building are the issue.

The Bible shows us clearly from the beginning: jealousy, betrayal, selfishness, adultery, lies, bias, corruption, murder, rape and all the vices you can think of. An older brother kills his younger brother. 10 brothers plan to kill their younger brother who is their fathers' favourite and whom they also feel is bragging. The Greatest Preacher & Healer is betrayed by his 3rd year student for 30 pieces of silver, which if i try to work out in today's terms is alleged to be about £700. These were human problems then, and they are human problems now. Understanding this will help us to deal with the stress and hurt that comes from church. The reason all these stories and more are present in the Bible is to show us just how humans really are so we don't live in a bubble. I lived in a bubble and 2 years ago, it was burst through church hurt.

The issue is not the faith itself—the issue is the humans trying to live or alleging to live in their faith and their behaviour. Sometimes the stress becomes worse because of expectation. We expect people in church to behave perfectly because they are in a spiritual environment and should know all the spiritual things that they have been told to live by. Being in church externally does not automatically remove human weakness.

Releasing unrealistic expectations helps protect our peace.

This does not excuse bad behaviour, but it helps us understand it. People often act from pain, pride, insecurity, selfishness, or unresolved wounds or miscellaneous but God knows it all. Many are not even fully aware of how they affect others or come across.This is why Proverbs tells us to guard our hearts.

Guarding your heart means staying wise without becoming bitter. It means seeking healing without losing your faith, because faith is not the problem, humans are. It means remembering that God is perfect, even when people are not.

If church hurt has deeply affected you:

• Talk to someone you trust

• Get professional help if trauma is involved

• Pray (because God knows everything and sees everything) AND also take practical steps toward healing

Faith and action work together. Faith without works is dead.

Just as you pray for a job and still apply for it, and if successful, go to work, healing from church hurt may require both prayer and support. Pray AND do something. If in doubt, pray for guidance. It is important to be obedient to what you are led to do. Give up your own way of how you expect to be healed. Therapy, coaching, accountability, and honest conversations with trustworthy people can all be part of God’s healing process. I did a combination of all these including prayer that I strongly believe in, and it was a special and Divine comfort that helped me heal.

It is okay if you are not okay.

It is okay if you seek help. Seek guidance on who to seek help from because all that glitters is not gold.

Guard your heart—but don’t close it. Understanding human behaviour and seeing the various case studies in the Word on human behaviour, will open your eyes to the reality that is set to happen in church or such settings. Guarding your heart in this way, will help you deal with the stresses that come out of church.

There is much more to be said on this topic but know this. You are created for life and life more abundantly. You are created to live in peace and peace in every way. Peace is there for you, especially when you have experienced stress from church and church hurt. Be open to receive the healing available to you, however it comes and don't be the one to block it for yourself or try to control the healing process. You deserve to live a life that is exceedingly, abundantly far more than you can ask, think or imagine. The best part, God wants this and even more for you, because you are so Loved!