Understanding The Woman In Your Life Better: Helpful Questions to Ask During Perimenopause

One of the hardest things about perimenopause can be trying to explain to someone else what is happening when you are not even sure yourself.

Your sleep has changed.

Your energy isn't what it used to be.

Your mood can feel different.

You are more overwhelmed.

Your body is changing.

You may be gaining weight around your middle.

You may not feel like yourself.

And sometimes, the person closest to you doesn't know what to do either.

That can leave both of you frustrated.

But what if this didn't have to become something you navigated separately?

First, what is perimenopause?

Perimenopause is the stage when menopausal symptoms begin because of hormonal changes, while periods may still be happening, although they can become irregular.

Menopause is reached when a woman has gone 12 consecutive months without a period.

In the UK, the average age of menopause is around 51, but perimenopause can begin earlier and can last for several years. Every woman's experience is different.

Symptoms can include changes in periods, hot flushes, night sweats, mood changes, fatigue, poor sleep, joint and muscle aches, brain fog, changes in libido and vaginal or urinary symptoms.

So if your partner seems different, it may not simply be that she is "stressed", "moody" or "not herself".

Something real may be happening.

And she may need more than someone telling her to push through it.

What can you do as her partner?

You don't need to have all the answers.

You don't need to fix her.

What Does She Need From You?

How do you supporting your woman through perimenopause?

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is become curious.

Here are some possible questions you could ask the woman in your life.

1."How have you been feeling lately?"

Ask instead of assuming.

Instead of:"What's wrong with you?"

Everyone experiences perimenopause differently, so asking rather than assuming can open a very different conversation.

2. "What would help you today?"

Every day can also bring a different experience.

She may not need advice.

She may need help with the children.

She may need you to take something off her plate.

She may need a walk.

She may need rest.

Or she may simply need you to listen.

Support is not always about providing a solution. Sometimes it is about being present.

3. "What is making life feel harder right now?"

This can help uncover what is underneath the overwhelm.

Is it work?

Poor sleep?

Family responsibilities?

Household tasks?

Her symptoms?

Feeling that everything depends on her?

Once you understand the pressure, you can start working out what you can share.

Don't underestimate the mental load

Appointments.

Work.

Children.

Family.

Shopping.

Meals.

Housework.

Life admin.

Remembering everything.

When someone is already exhausted or experiencing brain fog, the everyday things can feel even heavier.

Sometimes stepping in without waiting to be asked can make a significant difference.

"I've got this. You go and rest."

That can be more powerful than another piece of advice.

4. "How can we make things easier together?"

Healthy lifestyle changes are easier when you don't make them her responsibility alone.

Go for a walk together.

Cook a healthier meal together.

Create a calmer evening routine together.

Find ways to reduce stress together.

Small changes to activity, diet, sleep and relaxation can form part of managing symptoms, alongside any medical treatment she may choose with her healthcare professional.

5. "How can I support you in a way that makes you feel seen?"

This is an important distinction.

She may want encouragement.

She may want you to listen.

She may want help finding professional support.

Or she may simply want you to understand that what she is experiencing is difficult.

You don't have to solve everything.

You can walk alongside her.

6. "How are you feeling about the changes in your body?"

Body changes can affect confidence.

Weight may shift.

Hair and skin may change.

She may not feel comfortable in her body in the way she once did.

A genuine compliment can matter.

Holding her hand.

Giving her a hug.

Reminding her that you still find her beautiful.

Reassuring her that these changes haven't changed how you see her.

These small moments can help her feel valued and loved.

7. "What can we do to make this journey easier for both of us?"

Because this isn't only her journey.

You may have your own pressures.

Perhaps you aren't sleeping well either.

Maybe work is stressful.

Maybe you are struggling with your own health.

Maybe you don't know how to support her and you're worried about getting it wrong.

That matters too.

A healthier relationship isn't created by one person carrying the other.

It is created by two people learning how to support each other.

And what about intimacy?

Perimenopause can bring changes in libido, body confidence, vaginal dryness and comfort during sex.

This can be difficult for both partners.

The answer isn't pressure.

It is conversation, reassurance, patience and finding ways to remain connected.

Intimacy doesn't have to mean sex.

Sometimes it is holding hands.

Cuddling.

Going for a walk.

Talking.

Being close.

And when sex becomes difficult or painful, that is something that can be discussed with an appropriate healthcare professional.

This is why I've created a space for couples

I wanted to create somewhere where a woman doesn't have to work on her health completely alone, and where her partner doesn't have to stand on the outside wondering:

"What can I actually do to help?"

There is no fixed programme because there shouldn't be.

Every woman is different.

Every couple is different.

Your symptoms are different.

Your circumstances are different.

Your goals are different.

So we start with a conversation.

What is happening?

What is difficult?

What would you like to change?

What would you like life to feel like?

Perhaps it is better sleep.

More energy.

Less overwhelm.

Managing stress.

Moving more.

Improving daily habits.

Managing weight.

Reducing the impact of symptoms.

Finding practical ways to look after yourself when life is busy.

Or simply finding a way for you to start feeling like yourself again.

From there, we work together to identify practical steps that fit your life.

And the goal isn't for you to become dependent on support forever.

It is for you to understand what works for you, build sustainable habits and leave with greater clarity and confidence about how to maintain the progress you've made.

For the woman, that may mean feeling more energised, sleeping better, feeling less overwhelmed and having greater control over her health.

For her husband/partner, it may mean understanding what she is experiencing, knowing how to support her and having space to work through his own health challenges too.

And for the relationship, it can mean more understanding, teamwork, connection and joy.

You don't have to navigate this stage of life as two people struggling separately.

You can learn about it.

Talk about it.

Work through it.

Achieve & Celebrate the results together.

And grow through it together.

Could this be helpful for you?

If you feel you and your partner would benefit from working together on better sleep, more energy, movement, less overwhelm, better symptom management or simply helping her feel like herself again — while bringing more connection, joy and strength into your relationship — click here to book a complementary 15 min Zoom conversation and let's explore what this could look like for you.

Please note: This support is health and lifestyle coaching. It is not counselling, psychotherapy, couples therapy or sex therapy. Where medical assessment or treatment is needed, appropriate healthcare professionals should be consulted.

The best question you can ask her? Let her tell you herself in her own words. She knows herself best, so let her give you the winning formula.

And to the men walking alongside to support the women you love: keep going. Your willingness to listen, learn and stand beside her may mean more than you realise.

References

Brusie, C. (n.d.) 8 Things Every Woman Wants Men to Know About Menopause. Healthline. Source supplied in article materials.

Newson, L. (n.d.) Perimenopause and menopause: a guide for partners. Dr Louise Newson. Source supplied in article materials.

NHS Inform (n.d.) Supporting someone through the menopause. Source supplied in article materials.

University of Oxford (2024) Advice to partners about the menopause. Source supplied in article materials.

Home-Start (n.d.) Supporting a partner through menopause. Source supplied in article materials.