Why Talking About Your Problems Is Good For Your Sleep

Have you ever gone to bed physically exhausted, only to find that your problem has followed you into bed?

Your body wants to sleep.

Your mind has other plans.

You start thinking about what happened today. Then tomorrow. Then the conversation you need to have. Then what might happen after that conversation.

Before you know it, one problem has turned into five, and although your body is tired, sleep has gone MIA.

Talking about your problems could be one of the things that helps you finally switch off, feel more at peace and sleep better. Avoiding to talk about your problems may seem like the safest, comfortable, emotion-sparing way but your body may be saying something else by the symptoms you may be experiencing including the tossing and turning at night, the constant exhaustion, high blood pressure, increased/decreased appetite etc.

How can a problem affect your sleep?

Imagine tomorrow you have a meeting with your manager.

You're lying in bed thinking about your to-do list and remember the meeting.

Then your mind starts:

My manager can really talk. What if the meeting overruns?

Then I'll be late picking up the children.

Things aren't great between my spouse and me at the moment. I don't want to ask them.

What if that causes another argument?

One item on tomorrow's to-do list has suddenly created an entire chain of problems.

Yet none of them has actually happened.

Your manager might be short on time and finish early.

Your spouse might happily pick up the children.

But at 11pm, your brain is already living through tomorrow.

When problems are unresolved, you may find your mind racing, struggling to switch off, thinking about past regrets or future possibilities and lose the sense of peace that helps you settle for sleep.

And the impact doesn't necessarily stop there.

Poor sleep can create another problem

You eventually fall asleep late.

The next morning, your battery is already low.

That walk that normally helps you decompress after work?

You're too tired.

Planning tomorrow so your brain doesn't have to do it at bedtime?

You'll do it later.

The healthy dinner you've already prepared?

You're exhausted and fancy something quick and a treat for your hard day.

So you order a takeaway.

The next day, you're struggling to stay awake, so you reach for a large Frappuccino.

By evening, you're exhausted again — but perhaps still wired.

Problem → Racing thoughts → Poor sleep → Low energy → Helpful routines disappear → Harder to switch off → Poor sleep

And around you go again the next night. This continues and now its 10 months into the year.

So why can talking help?

Because sometimes you don't need to solve everything before you can feel better.

You need somewhere to put it down.

Talking to someone you trust gives you an opportunity to vent and, importantly, to feel heard.

Sometimes simply saying the problem out loud helps you see something you hadn't seen before.

The other person might offer another perspective.

They might suggest an option.

They might ask a question that helps you find your own answer.

Or they might be that friend who always seems to know someone who can help!

And if you're normally the person everybody else comes to for help, remember:

You need somewhere to talk too.

Talking can help you understand yourself

Imagine every time you tell your friend about something that has upset you, they gently ask:

“Do you think you're taking this personally?”

Eventually, you might stop and think:

Actually…I do tend to take things personally.

That's valuable information.

Now you have something you can work on.

Talking can help us notice our patterns, strengths and areas for growth.

And that can shorten the journey towards finding a solution.

I experienced this myself

As part of maintaining my professional registration as a health coach, I have supervision. It gives me a confidential space to bring a professional dilemma and receive mentoring.

Recently, I brought a dilemma involving a client to a group supervision session.

After the first four mentoring points, I could already see the way forward.

Four! Which was less than 4 minutes into the mentoring.

By the end, I wasn't only clear about what I could do.

I was excited!

I felt relieved.

The weight of the doubt I'd been carrying had lifted.

And because the session happened in the evening, even though it cut into my unwinding time, when bedtime came, I felt peaceful.

And truly truly, I slept really well.

The situation hadn't magically disappeared.

What had changed was how I felt about it.

I had clarity.

I had reassurance.

I knew there was a way forward.

What could talking about your problems change?

Think of talking as the starting point of a much bigger ripple effect:

TALK ABOUT THE PROBLEM

↓

Feel heard + gain perspective + identify options

↓

RELATIONSHIPS

Feel supported and better able to support others.

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Release some of what you've been carrying.

MENTAL HEALTH

Gain clarity and reduce the mental load.

HOPE & OUTLOOK

Remember that there may be another way forward.

SELF-AWARENESS

Recognise your patterns, strengths and areas for growth.

PROBLEM-SOLVING

See options you couldn't see while going around in circles alone.

RESILIENCE

Develop strategies you can use when the next problem comes.

ENERGY

Use less energy carrying and repeatedly thinking about the problem.

PEACE

Feel reassured that you have a plan — or know where to go for help.

↓

SWITCH OFF → RELAX → SLEEP WELL

Talking won't make every problem disappear.

But feeling heard, gaining another perspective or simply knowing you're not carrying everything alone can create relief and hope. It can also help you maintain the healthy behaviours that support you rather than feeling too drained to do them (sleep hygiene, eating healthier, moving your body etc)

And what could that mean for your sleep?

To sleep well, it helps to be able to relax, feel at peace and surrender the things you cannot control.

After talking, you may feel:

More hopeful.

There might be a way through this.

More reassured.

I have a plan.

More peaceful.

I don't have to solve everything tonight.

More supported.

I'm not doing this alone.

More able to switch off.

Tomorrow I can deal with what is within my control.

And when you're sleeping better, you may have more energy the following day for the things that support your wellbeing — movement, nourishing food, planning ahead, self-care and your wind-down routine.

So instead of your problems beating you up, you have more energy to deal with them without being overwhelmed by your problems or burnt out. As for problems, unfortunately in this life we will always have tribulation. So finding a healthier way around them is essential. Talking is one of the many ways to do this and as one of the many results, you will sleep better, wake up refreshed and energised.

Who can you talk to?

Anyone you trust.

It could be your spouse.

A trusted friend.

A family member.

A mentor.

Someone from your faith community.

A health professional trained to give you a safe, non-judgemental space to think.

The important question might simply be:

Who gives me the space to talk, think and be heard.

Because sometimes the answer you've spent nights searching for becomes clearer once you finally have somewhere safe to say the problem out loud.

The elephant in the room: What if talking feels hard?

Not everyone feels comfortable talking about their problems and don't judge yourself if that's you. Perhaps you're private, worry about burdening others, or previous experiences have made trusting people difficult.

Start with other ways that may be more comfortable for you.

Write your thoughts down, journal, draw, paint, sing or write poetry, talk to God. Let whatever comes up come up, without judging it.

If you notice a thought such as “Sharing makes me weak” or “I'll burden people,” ask:

Is it true? Is it fair? Is it helpful? I learnt this with my therapist.

Think about the people you trust too. What makes them feel safe talking to you? What would help you feel safe talking to them?

You can start small, share something funny, interesting or frustrating before sharing something more personal.

And if confidentiality worries you, consider speaking to an appropriate professional, such as a health coach, therapist or GP, depending on the support you need.

You don't have to share everything at once. Start where you are and open up at your own pace.

Is a problem keeping you awake?

If you've been struggling to switch off because of a problem or several problems that are now affecting your sleep, weight loss, peri/menopause symptoms, blood pressure, blood sugar levels, we can work together to understand what's keeping your mind switched on, so you can drift off, sleep well, wake up feeling good and well rested, with more energy to handle life, without burning out or your health going down hill.

Book your 45 minute session here and let's start working towards good-quality sleep.